VOICES FROM THE FIRE: George Schaefer

I’M NOT ANGRY!  I’M DRUNK!

I’m not angry!  I’m drunk!

I’ve had a pint 

or two or three

and my voice is getting loud

I’m not mad at you

I’m not mad at the world

I can’t be mad at the world.

I’m drunk

and I feel lovey dovey

if in a sloppy way

I wanna hold your hand

or at least hold

another pint glass 

fill it with Guinness

God bless the Irish!

God bless everyone!

I’m not angry!  I’m drunk!

It’s not the angry white male

or the angry young poet

It’s a loud, happy drunk

slurring speech

and feeling no pain

just checking out the scene

feeling the music

and the spirit of the night

and some are offended

or taken aback

if I recklessly cuss;

don’t wanna offend anyone

It’s just the way I am

so listen to Behan

and have another pint

for Jay-sus sake

and mellow out

and don’t be afraid of me

cause I’m not angry!  I’m drunk!

Not trying to cast

an intimidating shadow

over anyone

just trying to catch a buzz

in the eternal scheme

of this blissful, everlasting night

MENAGE Á TROIS

They were married

to each other

but both were bi

“they informed me.” 

They explained their rule

that they could play

as long as they shared

with each other

Seemed enlightened to me

and my curiosity was piqued

if not fully inflamed 

We were having some fun

when I notice one with a strap on

and I’m thinking

it’s meant for her wife

She says, “Oh no, sweetie.

This is meant for you.” 

I gulp nervously

but we’re already 

in too deep.

But I think to myself,

“Hey I’m 55 years old

and having the first menage á trois

of my life.”

Things are not so bad.

I know you’d love for me

to sit down 

and tell you all about

but as much

as I’d love to boast

I beg you forgive my reticence

as I’m still a bit too sore 

POET SLAP FIGHTS AND ASS KISSING

We are getting snippy and contentious anymore.  It doesn’t seem like anyone can have any fun 

anymore.  So we have poets declaring on their posts that ass kissing doesn’t belong in poetry. 

 Hmmm, I initially misread the post and thought he wrote ass kicking.  I was thinking to myself 

that I can see room for both.  Sometimes you do have kick ass and depending on the person, you 

may actually want to kiss their ass.  It isn’t all bad.

No ass kissing

No poet slap fights

No fun of any kind

Then I see a poetry group that frowns upon poet slap fights.  I mean, come on, are you 

suggesting we go for full on poet fist fights?  I just don’t see that working.  What was the 

immortal line from Groundskeeper Willie:  “You speak like a poet but you punch like one, too.” 

Better to let poets slap fight and allow the illusion that they weren’t trying to hurt one another 

rather than let them actually have a fist fight and reveal the pathetic truth.  Besides, I happen to 

like both ass kissing and poet slap fights.  What can I say.  I am a little kinky even if I did 

chicken out when my dominatrix suggested CBT.  Being kinky doesn’t mean I need my scrotum 

scraped with sandpaper.  I’ll take a hard pass on that one.

Let my poets slap

enjoy thy frenemy’s ass

all good in the end

COMPLIANCE

and 

so 

she said

Kiss my ass!

I quickly complied

I don’t know why she’s pissed off now

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