VOICES FROM THE FIRE: Carmen Grover

Into The Darkness

It was half past four. The Dawn setting in

I must walk I have to.

I set out into the Growing darker sky, stars, brighter, snow whiter.

Headphones in with lame affirmations blaring in my ears

Into the woods I picked up my pace.

This quickened step came to a slow when I looked below foot to see the heart shaped leaves.

All around me black hearts, tarnished hearts, pure hearts, ripped hearts…hearts with holes.

I tried to collect them all filling my pockets till they started spewing out spreading them all over the path.

Hearts filling my every footprint left.

I looked at the path ahead and started strutting faster till I was forced to leap over a barrier to stop motor vehicles from crossing the bridge…but not me! 

I crashed as the bar caught my heal and looked up at the sky and there it was in all its glory the bald eagle coasting above the pond.

Settling on its highest branch I tried to catch it.

As it perched so did I. Grabbing a seat on the only park bench located there to observe its distinct distant outline.

I waited wanting to see its burst of flight yet again but it didn’t happen…I couldn’t sit long enough. I continued my walk towards it. It took off around the bend where the river meets the pond not to be seen again! 

Had I not gone there, I would not have spotted a light shimmering in the pond a reflection from a light on the other side of the pond. I observed this only in chasing that eagle.

I turned on my heel to head back the path I had pre-set in my mind.

Carrying on back over the bridge and far away there it was again a flicker in the water.

On the other side of the pond the new side of the pond I found myself on as I seen it my repeated affirmations in my ear I am a light for others in this world.

I couldn’t help but snap my first picture a vision in my mind…spot the light, be the light…the bald eagle I had just noticed and watched. I was beginning to take flight to the light!

Continuing on the course I had originally set I walked around another pond. 

As I came out I thought where to go?

I could loop back to a woodsy trail but dark had already fallen I could no longer see shadows…my aspirations ended.

I see the white of the snow creating a path of light laid out for me. 

Wandering through the trailers I came to my first solar light. I will go this way… easy!

Looking up the first thing I spotted on the Jayco trailer that accompanied the lot was an Eagle! 

Bearing witness to what I had laid my eyes on at the start of this journey yet this time I could grasp it and prove its location and image. 

I continued on to the next light I noticed the white snow beaming through an ECG highlighted on the decal of the fire pit naming a local location of healthcare.

Next up light why not see what this spot has for me hmmm some wood left on its porch. Okay…next was a light of a patio overlooking the lake so many dreams and visions I could foresee for myself with every light.

Continuing on there was a flicker coming from the gate house the light was emanating from the debit machine. Must keep going noticing my path went a totally different way when I began trusting the lights….maybe foreshadowing a chance of my own business.

One step two steps three steps STOP! I see a red light this time reflected in a puddle from a passerby car that drove by and braked at that very moment. 

I stopped glanced at my surroundings and there was again a single bench the only one I had seen right here. I casually sat I paused this time reviewing it all in my mind not waiting for an eagle to fly but for me to land.

I got up to find myself chasing the lights running backwards to capture it all. The night was so dark at this point but I didn’t want to miss a thing. Not to worry lights can be captured in the dark I went back to start.

Was this my future?

  1. The bald eagle.

Snapping a picture of proof

2.The fire pit.

With the place labelled on it in which I see myself eventually working in a location more local for my family, creating community and help right where you are.

3.Back to the wood on the porch.

With my husband planning on building a wood cabin on the farm. An impossible dream suddenly true 

What made me think I had to capture this all on my phone and not just in my mind’s eye…I needed the proof of the twinkling lights!

4. Running to The next I found a flame.

The fire in you shines in me. I recited this as I thought of my dead babies. A single hare hoped in front of me…I thought for a moment the hare symbolizes …fertility… It tried to cower thinking I didn’t notice it as it continued to hop along.

5. Next to the plastic butterfly’s plastered on the trees.

I have taken notice of these blue and yellow fake insects on several walks in this park. There was a single light bulb I hadn’t noticed before flickering with tiny LED’s.

I was suddenly seeing more.

6. I looked across the way and spotted another light. How many I missed on first glance.

I can’t expect to gain something at every light looking and thinking realizing maybe I am creating what I want to See?…maybe I was… on the porch sat two chairs and a table a booth something my granny and grandpa had in their kitchen …something I dream of one day having in ours.

7. Back to the light at the gazebo overlooking the water. 

8. The stop sign with red Christmas Lights in the distance.

Continuing on proud of what I captured I had to embrace those dark woods I had started in but coming back a different way I seen the lights through the trees of houses guiding and greeting me bringing me back.

Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel I emerged out of the woods anew…perhaps on the right path this time though I can’t know for sure what this means but I dare to believe this is my life unfolding before me.

At the end, out of the dark into the light there stood a rainbow formed with the villages Christmas lights.

These lights are the vision the dream the Devine has for us the universe literally showed me the way.

My Affirmation:

I must not be scared of the dark…I trust the light! I am comforted.

I came inside our own lit house with my kids playing with a toy that bursts out Rainbow light and a catchy tune, bouncing around, on and surrounding us…that they would be playing with this silly toy in this moment is…the game of life.

See the light, follow it, be the light and enjoy it for it is how we fly high.

I couldn’t help but see what each light would reveal.

Only time will tell but right now I have seen the lights.

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