SUICIDE
You say it’s the easy way out
Shut your mouth, you have no idea what my pain is about
The feeling of being out of control
How every thought digs a darker hole
Thoughts you can’t escape you can’t erase
The anxiety makes you sweat and your heart starts to race
I have nowhere to run nowhere to hide
As I sit in the dark and begin to cry I start to ponder it “Suicide”
Please make it stop make the darkness go away
I’m tired of always feeling this way
If I can just make it stop and catch my breath
Perhaps I can stop contemplating death
It’s an obsession of mine
I think of it all the time
How sweet the eternal slumber would be
To just let go and oh to be free
Then the memories crash my thoughts
Of all the small battles that I fought
How at the end of the day
I didn’t allow death to have its way
Today I won, victory is mine
As my head rests on my pillow and I can close my eyes
For those who pretend to understand
You don’t know shit till you’ve felt the pain
You tell me have faith, trust and leave those thoughts
You’re not making sense I can’t connect the dots
I’m looking for relief a way to forget
So I won’t do something I know I won’t live to regret
You tell me you’ll pray for me to get better
But all you are saying in my head sounds like chatter
You wanna know how it is that I think
I couldn’t tell you I confused even my shrink
Hush , don’t say those words
Believe me there is nothing I haven’t heard
I have to fight this shit everyday
I know I can beat this! there has to be a way
Don’t tell me it’s easy that you know I can do it
It’s not your words but my will to commit
I will beat the darkness
Even if my methods seem heartless
For this battle I have fought alone
To the loneliness accustomed I have grown
This is one battle I refuse to lose
For at this moment it is Life that I choose
Suicide isn’t the best option
My battle to fight win and my victory is sure
OUT OF MY HEAD
Can’t get it out on my head
It’s there in the morning even when I go to bed
The sadness the dark gloom
All I want to do is hide in my room
Sleep is how I can shut the world out
This fear makes me want to scream and shout
In my chest I feel the hole bore within
As this depression chips away at my soul
I need a break I just wanna fly
Leave all this shit behind
It’s love that keeps me tied
How many times has it’s cruelty made me cry
So many times have I willed myself to try
Just to get tired and push it all aside
This feeling of impending doom
I can hear it clearly as the gun goes boom
The darkness I have to fight
Every day this battle to stay alive
The pain is real, it cuts like a knife
I don’t understand this thing called life
What is real what is imagination
For death I have a crazy fixation
I have to let it go put it out of my mind
This rage I feel it must be a sign
I need to scream I wanna cry too
But when I open my mouth nothing comes
I don’t want to feel this pain
Will it be washed away if I stand in the rain
I can feel it like needles in my brain
The thoughts hitting me all at once like a freight train
I need it to stop, please make it go away
I don’t want to live my life this way
I ask myself every day why
When would it be the right time to say my goodbyes
Then I break down and begin to cry
I remember all those I will leave behind
How would they face life
If I chose to die.
BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY
Dedicated to my daughter my Beautiful Butterfly
The one without limits
So beautiful so gentle you live your life
To be the best version of yourself you strive
Never giving up on your dreams
A beautiful soul a loving being has been your theme
Pushing yourself for those that you love
Shows all the strength and what you’re made of
Like a butterfly through life, you soar
Loving and touching lives wherever you go
Loving embracing the journey you face
You except life’s challenges with strength and such grace
Instilling beauty, love, and compassion
You inspire as you live life with passion
Beautiful Butterfly go fly, fly, fly
For you, there is no limit, not even the sky
From where I stand I can see you above
My beauty, my little one my very own love
BEAUTIFUL GYPSY
Dedicated to my daughter my
Beautiful Gypsy
Oh beautiful soul, beautiful child
Don’t ever change stay true stay wild
Let your essence always shine bright
For those of us who get lost in the night
Speaking words of wisdom beyond your years
There to give advice things we need to hear
Knowing that the truth you will always speak
Encouraging us when we feel lost and weak
You’re free you get lost in the dance moving your feet
To your rhythm to the tune of your own beat
Never allowing your energy to stay in one place
You live you thrive to fill with light and joy any space
Beautiful Gypsy child of mine
I will love you till the end of time
BEAUTIFUL DREAMER
As I watch the moonlight dance on your face
My heart is filled with love, you take my breath away
The rhythm of your chest as you breathe the evening air
I love the way the light softly touches your hair
I’m mesmerized by your beauty in the evening glow
I feel you, I honor you as my tears begin to flow
You are the one, your essence completes me
It was spoken, it was written, it was our destiny
Our souls agreed to stand the test of time
I would be yours and you would be mine
The lessons we knew we had to learn
Together we’d master when we returned
Here you are as beautiful as I remember
When I first laid eyes on you that blissful day in September
As I looked into your eyes I was finally home
The universe brought us together. I’ve found my soul
Dumpster Fire Press 