VOICES FROM THE FIRE: Nancy E. Campos

SUICIDE 

You say it’s the easy way out 

Shut your mouth, you have no idea what my pain is about 

The feeling of being out of control 

How every thought digs a darker hole 

Thoughts you can’t escape you can’t erase 

The anxiety makes you sweat and your heart starts to race 

I have nowhere to run nowhere to hide 

As I sit in the dark and begin to cry I start to ponder it “Suicide” 

Please make it stop make the darkness go away 

I’m tired of always feeling this way 

If I can just make it stop and catch my breath 

Perhaps I can stop contemplating death 

It’s an obsession of mine 

I think of it all the time 

How sweet the eternal slumber would be 

To just let go and oh to be free 

Then the memories crash my thoughts 

Of all the small battles that I fought 

How at the end of the day 

I didn’t allow death to have its way 

Today I won, victory is mine 

As my head rests on my pillow and I can close my eyes 

For those who pretend to understand 

You don’t know shit till you’ve felt the pain 

You tell me have faith, trust and leave those thoughts 

You’re not making sense I can’t connect the dots 

I’m looking for relief a way to forget 

So I won’t do something I know I won’t live to regret 

You tell me you’ll pray for me to get better 

But all you are saying in my head sounds like chatter

You wanna know how it is that I think 

I couldn’t tell you I confused even my shrink 

Hush , don’t say those words

Believe me there is nothing I haven’t heard

I have to fight this shit everyday 

I know I can beat this! there has to be a way 

Don’t tell me it’s easy that you know I can do it 

It’s not your words but my will to commit 

 I will beat the darkness 

Even if my methods seem heartless 

For this battle I have fought alone 

To the loneliness accustomed I have grown

This is one battle I refuse to lose 

For at this moment it is Life that I choose 

Suicide isn’t the best option 

My battle to fight win and my victory is sure 

OUT OF MY HEAD 

Can’t get it out on my head 

It’s there in the morning even when I go to bed

The sadness the dark gloom 

All I want to do is hide in my room 

Sleep is how I can shut the world out 

This fear makes me want to scream and shout 

In my chest I feel the hole bore within 

As this depression chips away at my soul

I need a break I just wanna fly 

Leave all this shit behind 

It’s love that keeps me tied 

How many times has it’s cruelty made me cry 

So many times have I willed myself to try 

Just to get tired and push it all aside 

This feeling of impending doom 

I can hear it clearly as the gun goes boom

The darkness I have to fight 

Every day this battle to stay alive 

The pain is real, it cuts like a knife 

I don’t understand this thing called life 

What is real what is imagination 

For death I have a crazy fixation 

I have to let it go put it out of my mind 

This rage I feel it must be a sign 

I need to scream I wanna cry too 

But when I open my mouth nothing comes 

I don’t want to feel this pain  

Will it be washed away if I stand in the rain 

I can feel it like needles in my brain 

The thoughts hitting me all at once like a freight train 

I need it to stop, please make it go away 

I don’t want to live my life this way 

I ask myself every day why 

When would it be the right time to say my goodbyes

Then I break down and begin to cry 

 I remember all those I will leave behind 

How would they face life 

If I chose to die. 

BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY

Dedicated to my daughter my Beautiful Butterfly

The one without limits

So beautiful so gentle you live your life 

To be the best version of yourself you strive

Never giving up on your dreams 

A beautiful soul a loving being has been your theme

Pushing yourself for those that you love 

Shows all the strength and what you’re made of

Like a butterfly through life, you soar 

Loving and touching lives wherever you go 

Loving embracing the journey you face

You except life’s challenges with strength and such grace 

Instilling beauty, love, and compassion

You inspire as you live life with passion

Beautiful Butterfly go fly, fly, fly 

For you, there is no limit, not even the sky

From where I stand I can see you above 

My beauty, my little one my very own love

BEAUTIFUL GYPSY

Dedicated to my daughter my 

Beautiful Gypsy

Oh beautiful soul, beautiful child

Don’t ever change stay true stay wild

Let your essence always shine bright

For those of us who get lost in the night 

Speaking words of wisdom beyond your years

There to give advice things we need to hear

Knowing that the truth you will always speak

Encouraging us when we feel lost and weak 

You’re free you get lost in the dance moving your feet 

To your rhythm to the tune of your own beat 

Never allowing your energy to stay in one place 

You live  you thrive to fill with light and joy any space

Beautiful Gypsy child of mine 

I will love you till the end of time

BEAUTIFUL DREAMER

As I watch the moonlight dance on your face 

My heart is filled with love, you take my breath away 

The rhythm of your chest as you breathe the evening air 

I love the way the light softly touches your hair 

I’m mesmerized by your beauty in the evening glow  

 I feel you, I honor you as my tears begin to flow

You are the one, your essence completes me 

It was spoken, it was written, it was our destiny

 Our souls agreed to stand the test of time 

I would be yours and you would be mine

The lessons we knew we had to learn

Together we’d master when we returned 

Here you are as beautiful as I remember

When I first laid eyes on you that blissful day in September

As I looked into your eyes I was finally home 

The universe brought us together. I’ve found my soul 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: