The Monster Shake
I have never pondered the strength of a handshake…how hard to squeeze, how long to hold, how much to shake and when to release?
Like my anger!
The tale of the father who was battered and now himself is abusive…why?
Fighting it, resisting it and even hating it, but it’s much more arduous.
Exploding I start to shake, I am scared…women are violent too…
Don’t let the kids see…
I saw my father mistreat us…and my father his mother before…
A skipped generation.
I can’t take it, when my limitless is threatened I discharge.
The grasp on me stronger than nothing other!
My kids, oh GOD, my kids!
Big promises withheld,
Big love constantly shown…until I Blow!
Embarrassed and ashamed
Wonderful days ruined by one weensy moment
Is this the time they will remember just like me.
The broken plates,
the pleading and the holding.
To cause reprimand.
Forget it…forget what?
For our sake forgotten just the same…only it happened!
Even still I feel I dreamt it…feeling nuts.
We always did, they always will.
Mommy are you happy?
What version converted?
I leave just as my mother would, I cry unaided just as my father did.
Hate it! (the monster)
Hate me! (the human)
Unable to open the cage in front of them all.
Leaving to protect them from…
I squeeze onto the perfect moments, fearing what will come…
How it will be ruined once it’s over.
The shake lessens but the quake lives…
Holding on, wanting not
To clutch the “thing” that lives inside
The monster under the bed that feeds on little crumbs that fall from us
The thing is ravenous…it’s alive…
Feeding on pieces of us as we die…long and slow
Replication absorbed in the offing…
Reminding you it is never sated.
Hey! Hi, Squeeze my hand…let’s shake on it…